“Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.”

“Drive carefully, 90% of people are accidents.”

“May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.” — George Carlin

“For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.” — Johnny Carson

“Don’t knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn’t start a conversation if it didn’t change once in a while”.

Two monologues do not make a dialogue.

“Time’s fun when you’re having flies.” — Kermit the Frog

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, “Where have I gone wrong?” Then a voice says to me, “This is going to take more than one night.” — Charlie Brown

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