Stories


I always hear stories of people finding alligators, fish, and snakes and so on in their toilet.
This story I heard the other day and really was a hum-dinger.
It happened in Taiwan, in the early hours of the morning, a man went into his bathroom to use the toilet, He sat down and the next thing he knew this rare venomous medium size yellow snake bit him in the “what’s not” (penis). The man jump up with the snake still clenched and hanging from him and ran for help. This snake apparently coiled itself inside the toilet bowl and was having a nap. This is not a usual occurrence in Taiwan.
The condition of the man who was bitten is good. He is alive with a minor injury. Although if you probably talked with him, he would say it was a major injury.
Every since I heard this story, on my late night visit to the bathroom, this story enters my head, but if I turn on the lights, it usually is blinding and then I have a tuff time going back to sleep. So I take my chances, I guess I am playing Taiwan Toilet Roulette.

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Senior Moments of a past cute and crazy hippie chick


Now that it is over whew!
Check out the few deductions that I heard people made and the IRS accepted.

Cat- as pest Control.
Dog- as a security system.
OB-GYN visit- as maintenance and repair.
Toilet paper- Office supplies.

People can sure get creative with their deductions.


I finally am able to get on the Internet again. You know it does not seem possible that I use the Internet all the often, (hehehe) I sure do. I was missing logging on and navigating from one site to the next like some seasoned explorer.
My modem died, I found it floating on it belly one afternoon after work. I was going to flush it down the toilet, but had a second thought; maybe my Internet provider would replace it for free. Yeah and gophers fly!
They did replace it but I had to take out another contract with them and wait a lifetime for the new modem to come in. Well the lifetime of a Gastrotrich, three days, if you factor in the weekend, 5 days.
When the modem arrived, I carefully hooked it up and proceeded to have a problem loading the program to my computer. I call the technical line for help.
This is how the call went.
Good afternoon this is David, I am going to provide you with technical support. Is your phone number blablabla? Who am I speaking with?
Thank you Miss. Doookind.
Me: My name is Duncan.
David. One moment please.
Thank you Miss Doookind for holding I appreciate your patience. What is the problem today and how may I assist you? I see we sent you a new modem, did you receive it?
Me: Yes I did and I am having a hard time installing… (David interrupts me)
David: We are here to provide excellent service and we are happy to help you in any way possible. Did you receive your new modem?
Me: Yes, David can you hear me ok?
David: Thank you for calling Ms. Doookind what can I do for you?
Me: I am having problem installing my… (David interrupts me again)
David: What version of windows are you running?
Me: Windows? I am not on Windows.
David: Ms. Doookind could you please log onto Internet explorer?
Me: David I cannot log onto anything, I am stuck with this pop up window… He interrupts again…
David: Ms. Dookind what is on your screen right now?
Me: David I am trying to tell you what I problem is.

This is the way it went on for the whole phone call, which made loading the new modem software take three times as long. At one point I said to David, hey you are not listening to what I am telling you. At that point he asked me, “how are you today?” Then put me on hold and came back and asked, “how are you today?” I said with frustrated voice this is the second time you have asked me that question in less the 2 minutes.
David was reading off a script and was so hung up on this script that he did not listen to my response. I know that customer service is important, but technical support representative reading from a script just does not work for me.


In March 1991, Florence Schreiber Powers, 44, a Ewing, N.J., administrative law judge on trial for shoplifting two watches, she called her psychiatrist to testify that she (Powers) was under stress at the time of the incidents. The doctor said Powers did not know what she was doing “from one minute to the next,” for the following reasons:
recent auto accident
traffic ticket
new-car purchase
overwork
husband’s kidney stones
husband’s asthma (and noisy breathing machine in their bedroom)
menopausal hot flashes
“ungodly” vaginal itch,
bad rash,
fear of breast and anal cancer,
fear of dental surgery
son’s asthma
mother’s and aunt’s illnesses
need to organize parents’ 50th wedding anniversary
need to cook Thanksgiving dinner for 20 relatives
purchase of 200 gifts for Christmas and Hanukkah
attempt to sell her house without a broker
lawsuit against wallpaper cleaners
need to return newly purchased furniture
and toilet constantly running.
(Nonetheless, she was convicted.)

The ungodly vaginal itch would definitely send me on a crime spree. ;0)
Oh the things we women have to endure!

Had to post this

An Obituary printed in the London Times…….. Interesting, yet sadly true.

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
Why the early bird gets the worm;
Life isn’t always fair;
and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.

Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I’m A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

The following was a story that aired on Oprah; it was totally jaw dropping and I thought it would be cool to share with others who did not know about it. This story would give anyone The Courage to face whatever obstacles are in his or her way.

After going through a painful divorce, Monica met Tony when she least expected it. Monica already had a 9-year-old daughter, but soon after she and Tony got engaged, they were thrilled to be expecting another bundle of joy. In August 2007, she had a C-section, and though she worried about complications, Monica delivered a healthy baby girl. But hours after Sofia was born, Monica began running a fever. No one was concerned at first—Monica figured it was just hormones—but three days later the fever hadn’t broken, and Monica’s abdomen was swollen and painful.
The doctors at Monica’s hospital thought she might be infected with a deadly strain of bacteria. They flew her to a hospital in Boston where she was diagnosed with necrotizing fasciitis, also known as flesh-eating bacteria. Defying the odds, Monica survived, but many of her organs didn’t. The doctors removed Monica’s uterus, ovaries, gallbladder and part of her colon that same day.

Within four weeks, Monica’s infection had restricted the blood flow to her arms and legs. Her nurses cleaned her limbs every day, and she knew they were trying to keep her from seeing the damage. But Monica wanted to face the disease head on. “I needed to know what I was up against.
Eventually, doctors told Monica they had to amputate both arms and both legs. The surgery sounded scary, but Monica was determined to put it behind her and get back to her daughters. “I was frightened at first, but when they told me [my arms and legs] had to be amputated, it was: ‘Do it. I’ve got to go home,'” Monica says. “[I thought,] ‘I have a life to live and it’s not here, and until you amputate, I can’t move forward.'”
After her amputation, Monica spent two months in the hospital, where she underwent a total of 37 surgeries. As Monica grew stronger, Tony realized there was no reason to postpone their wedding any longer—they got married in the hospital chapel in October, 2007.

Monica spent the next two months going through grueling rehabilitation. “She’s a fighter,” Tony says. “If they told her two hours of physical therapy a day, she’d ask to double it up to four. She wanted to come home as soon as possible. … They didn’t think she’d ever walk again, but she made it happen.”

Right before Christmas, Monica got what she’d been waiting for. She was given the okay to go home to her husband and two daughters.
Nurses and doctors say they expected a “why me?” breakdown from Monica while she was in the hospital, but it never happened. “I did have moments of ‘If God just left me one arm or one leg, life would be a little bit easier,’ but that’s not the way it went,” Monica says. “You make do with what you have. I could still love my girls. The bottom line was I am still here.”

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